2 Questions to Ask When Someone Criticises You

By Oz Muwaniri · 28 March 2025

A man sitting alone in a dark room with his hand over his face

Live long enough and someone won’t like the way you do things.

The way you work. The way you dress. The way you laugh. How you handled that situation. Or that Instagram post from last week.

When criticism comes, the temptation is to pull back. Go quiet. Keep the peace.

But that’s a false peace. And it’s the stuff bitterness is made of.

So, before you stew on it, ask yourself two questions.

1. Who is it coming from?

A one-star review on your book from “user123456” shouldn’t ruin your day.

I know. Easier said than done. We’re wired to remember the negative far more than the positive. Bad news sells, and whole industries are built on it.

So be deliberate. Put up filters against voices that don’t have your best interests at heart. The internet has made a lot of people forget their manners. I often tell my kids: “If you’ve nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Not everyone online got that memo.

2. Why are they saying it?

What’s the motive? Do they actually care about you, or are they just scoring points?

Most criticism is an attempt to get someone to change. You criticise a politician because you want them to do things differently.

So if someone doesn’t care whether you change or grow, why should their opinion carry much weight?

But if it comes from someone who loves you, your partner, a close friend, a mentor, and it’s for your good, then you’d better be all ears. The Bible says:

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:6, NIV)

What if it’s God?

There’s a strange story in the Bible about a man called Balaam. He’s heading off to do something he shouldn’t, and God steps in:

“But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him.” (Numbers 22:22, NIV)

God ends up making Balaam’s donkey talk to get his attention. (You couldn’t make it up.)

If God could get through to Balaam with a donkey, he can get through to you. Sometimes the uncomfortable feedback, the closed door, the nagging sense that something’s not right, is God trying to get your attention.

And the good news is that he’s on your side:

“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble.’” (James 4:6, NIV)

“Grace” just means kindness and help we haven’t earned. Humility is how you get more of it.

Your next steps

A question to sit with: Think of the last criticism that stung. Who was it from, and why did they say it? Is there anything true in it that I need to hear?
Read next: If someone’s criticism is part of a bigger pattern, read How to Deal with Toxic People.
Come and say hello: L15 Church meets Sundays at 11am in the Maldron Hotel, Galway. Come as you are, criticism-free.